Dating through eharmony

This past Sunday, I had my first date from eHarmony.  If you remember, I mentioned that I joined eHarmony on a whim because they had a 3-month deal going on.

After my match.com experience, I was generally reserved.  I took the time to fill out the ridiculously long survey and then complete my really extensive profile and waited to get notice from eHarmony that I had some matches.

Instead, I got an email that said my requirements (close to Chicago, 30-40 years old, not a smoker, at least 6ft tall) were too restrictive.... seriously?  So I went back in and opened the area range to 90 miles around Chicago and that seemed to work.

Then I got a lot of matches.  Too many matches.  People out in the middle of no where Indiana.  And then I started to notice that MOST of the matches said "not exactly meets your criteria, but we think you have a lot in common".  What?!

So I did my best for the first month.  I reached out to people and I responded to people that wrote to me. Then I realized a few things:

1.  No one I wrote first actually wrote me back
2.  The guys I were responded to seemed nice, but didn't really appeal to me
3.  eHarmony has no easy way to respond to people to say "thanks but no thanks" so you don't leave them hanging.

The eHarmony messaging process is comprehensive.  First you send them 5 multiple choice questions, they some back.  Then if you like their answers, you can send them your 10 must haves and your 10 deal breakers.  After that, if you still like their answers, you can send them 3 open ended questions and vice versa.  Finally, if you both are on the same page, you can message each other actually conversations.

Well, I made it through this process with 3 people.  One fizzled out pretty quickly.  One of them I actually spoke to on the phone for 15 mins but we haven't set up anything (and probably won't).  The last one was my date on Sunday.

On paper, he seemed really nice.  He was thoughtful in his responses.  He seemed to have a lot of things to do.  He has a dog.  When we were writing, he expressed how excited he was to meet me and was looking forward to drinks.  A few days before, he wrote me another message to just confirm we were still on (even though he had my phone number) and then the afternoon of he wrote me again to let me know he may need to eat while we were there.

I got there early because I was worried about the rain, so I parked myself up to a table and texted him to let him know I was early.  This was 10 to 7 and he wrote back and said he was just a few blocks away.  At 7:10, he strolled into the place completely soaked with sweat.  I found out later in the conversation that he doesn't have a car (totally okay) and took the train and then walked.  I mean.  If I didn't have a car and I had a date, I may take the train but I'm sure as hell taking a cab to get there.  Anyways....

The date itself was fine.  Very chatty and had good conversation.  He ate and I nibbled on some chips and salsa because it's awkward when only one person is eating on a date - right?  We each had a couple beers and 3 hours later the check arrived.  We had that awkward moment when no one reaches for it or deals with the check.  Finally, he picked it up and I offered to leave the tip or split it.  He seemed really uncomfortable. So he handed it over to me and said we could split it.  The total bill was less than $40.

After we paid, I offered to drive him the 4-6 blocks over to the train station, he gave me an awkward car hug and said "thanks for meeting up with me."

I guarantee that I don't hear from him again - which is just fine by me.

On my way home, I was just annoyed.....  let me back up a tiny bit.

While this guy was very nice and we had good conversation, I was in no way attracted to him.  Had he asked, I may have gone out with him once more just to make sure but that probably would've been it.  And honestly, I was a little annoyed that he asked me to split the bill.  I feel that at least for the first couple of dates, the guy should pay.  Especially when I didn't really eat anything and paid for half of his dinner!

So, I was annoyed.  I spent 3 hours on my Sunday night at another unsuccessful date.  I was just stewing.  I figured out that where a lot of this could be going wrong is in the people I am talking to.  Because I am not hearing from the people that I want to hear from, I end up just chatting the guy that contacted me who seems to be nice even though I'm not really interested in talking to them.  And then I go out with them - and shockingly, they aren't successful.

It's good that it is forcing me to get out, but I definitely will not be doing any more online dating when my eHarmony account ends in September.  I am going to leave it up to good old fashioned luck, or someone I meet through a friend or family member.  No more "blind" dates for me.