Hello Out There!

I have completely slacked on blog posting.  No excuses, I just don't have much to talk about.

A few of you that have been bugging me for updates on life have been hearing about it constantly so I wasn't sure I needed to post.  But this is probably still good for reference.

The last I wrote was about St. Patty's day and the last time I saw guy #2.  Since there I have heard from him occasionally, but he hasn't made any move to ask to see me again.  So I'm not really sure where to go with that.  As I learn more about what he's doing, he is incredibly busy.  But there is a part of me still thinking - hey, if he was interested in seeing you, he would do it!"... So, that's where that stands.   Guy #1 is still around sometimes, but its so casual I can barely think about it as dating.  I heard from him last week while I had plans and there have only been a couple of texts since then.

I'm still on match, but nothing has really been progressing with that.  So, yeah.... that's about it from the dating end.  Not going to lie, I'm pretty bummed about Guy #2.

As for my professional life, that's not really progressing any faster than my dating life is.  I have a presentation next week for a potential job, but I don't know what the decision time line is for that.  I've been checking things online and there isn't much out there.  This week has started to set in the panic of realizing that I am not getting any more money coming in.  Yikes!  I did sign up to take my certification exam on May 2nd so I should really be spending this time reading/studying.  I need to stay focused on something!

On some good news (because right now this seems super depressing), I have been hitting the gym while I've been home and keeping an eye on my eating.  I have definitely lost weight, probably close to 10 lbs in the last 3 weeks or so!  It's definitely something I wasn't really focusing on and sort of happened while I was distracted with everything else.  The good news is that it has given me a new sense of purpose for right now.  Keeping on track with the weight loss - IE: Bikini Ready 2014!  Of course, this is going to become challenging for the next couple of weeks because I have my surgery on Friday and that will hinder my mobility for a while.  If I can keep on track with my eating, I should be able to push through that.

So that's all I got for you right now.  No dating, no job, and soon less mobility than ever.  2014 is not shaping up to be the Year of Megan right now...

A Second Date

*Disclaimer: I am currently sitting in the jury assembly room at the Skokie Courthouse... Because of course, after the week I had last week I would get called in for jury duty.

Last night I had my second date with Guy #2 from last week.  He had been giving me a hard time about having little opinion on what we did for date one, so I made the suggestion for date two.

We grabbed a bite to eat at a restaurant I picked near my place and then I wanted to take him to Jeni's. (Thanks for the suggestion Leslie!)

I was hoping he hadn't made it to Jeni's yet, but he had been there once.  It actually ended up working out because I showed him the PROPER way to experience Jeni's and he got a kick out of how passionate I was about ice cream.  I'm still not sure how to respond to that one.

It was only around 10 when we were done with our ice cream and I wasn't ready for the night to end yet (I hope he wasn't either).  So I suggested grabbing a drink and we crossed the street to stop into an Irish bar.

We had a great time chatting and he makes me laugh a lot... Which I love but was especially needed after the week I had.  We talked about random stuff and also about dating and online dating.

When we were ready to leave, he walked me to my car and there were a few goodnight kisses.

We made plans to go out again on Thursday.

It was so nice to be on an actual second date.  That first date awkwardness is gone and conversation is just different.  And it's been a long time since I have felt excited to hear from someone and thrilled about getting to see them again.

Can't wait until Thursday.

Trying not to jinx it - this week's dating

Over the course of the last week, I've been having a few conversations with people I've "met" through my various online dating channels.  Various - oh man - it's sad that it's so true.

Anyways, so over the weekend and Monday (which work was hitting the downhill slide), my dating life was getting interesting.  I'm dubbing this week my "playing the field" week.  Two dates with two different guys. 

You guys, this blog might just get interesting!  :)

Back to my point....I set a time to meet for drinks (yesterday) with Guy #1.  He and I have been "chatting" off and on since before Christmas.  He was that guy that thinks its okay to invite someone out "in 20 minutes", so I didn't think I was seriously going to meet him.  In fact, when we did actually pre-plan a date after Christmas, I ended up cancelling on him because I got a weird vibe and didn't want to go.

Long story short, we got back to chatting and decided to meet for a drink.  Given my work situation yesterday, I REALLY didn't want to go on a first day but knew  that if I cancelled on him again that this would be the end of that opportunity for him.  So I went.

And honestly, I'm really glad that I did.

He looked like his pictures.  I was actually attracted to him (imagine that).  He was very personable and chatty.  We had a really nice time talking about everything and anything.   And when the date was over, he gave me a kiss on the cheek, asked me to text him that I got home okay and said he would like to see me again.

So score one for the dating life this week.  We'll see when we get around to planning something again.

I have my first date with Guy #2 tomorrow - someone I actually know from college (very loosely).  Should be interesting.  I have actually been really excited about this date, so we'll see.

First date repeat

I have a feeling these first date posts are all starting to sound familiar.  I feel that way because all these first dates are starting to blend together in my mind.... because they all have a same theme.

zzzzzzzzzzz

Well, you will see.

A few short days after joining match, I received an email from a guy named D.  He seemed very nice and said that he enjoyed the fact that I was tall and that my family was important to me.  He was tall (6'5) and his profile implied that we may have quite a bit in common.  We emailed back and forth a couple times and then he asked if he could call me since he felt it was easier to get to know each other.  I, of course, said yes because (as I may have mentioned before), I really hate this whole texting phenomenon.

We picked a day to talk and ended up chatting for about an hour on the phone.  It was very nice, although there were a few things that stuck out for me as odd.  This is where I admit that online dating - or generally not dating much - has really made me feel hyper critical.  If there is something (even if it's stupid) that gives me a weird vibe, I tend to follow my gut and bail.  It's worked out for me - if you consider the first date and done behavior working out.  Anyways, we tentatively set a date time for the following Saturday and would be in touch again during the week.

We chatted on the phone one more time during the week to set plans for Saturday and I was actually looking forward to getting back out again.

Saturday came around and I was a little less than enthusiastic about it.  I blame it on the general winter feeling of NEVER WANTING TO LEAVE THE HOUSE.  This winter has sucked.

So I went.  We met at a restaurant I had never tried, but was familiar with the area.  He was waiting for me when I got there.

Now is the point (for all you non-online daters - which is basically everyone that reads this blog) where I tell you about the "blind date meet".  When you only have photos that the individual has selected to share, there are one of two things that can happen the first time you actually meet someone in person.

The first, the person shows up and is slightly better looking than they were in their photos.  There's a decent chance that this happens since photos aren't always the most accurate representation.

The second, the person shows up and does not look as good as their photos - OR - not even remotely close to their photos.  I'm sure you remember the date I had last year where the guy was a good 10 years older and 40 pounds heavier than his photos.  I will never understand why people don't attempt to put an accurate reflection of themselves online.  People don't like to be tricked.

Anyways, I'm regressing.  Getting back to my date.  So needless to say, when I first say D he was the latter.  Slightly less cute than he appeared in his pictures.  There was not an attraction on my part, but I knew that he was at least nice, so the date wouldn't be a total bust.

To spare you the recap of the entire dinner date, let's just say this.  He was certainly nice.  Almost too nice.  So nice is was kind of boring.

I feel terrible saying that, but he was.  The lack of general physical attraction plus the boringness did not bode well for a follow up date.  At the end of the evening, he said that we should do this again (this is starting to sound like a broken record of dates).  I told him that I had to head out of town and he said he would touch base when I returned.

Since then, not a peep.  I expected him to be the guy that would text a follow up after the date, and he didn't.  And to be honest, I didn't reach out to him either.

So, we'll chalk this up to another one-and-done date.  I'm getting good at these.

Giving Match another go around

I feel like there are several posts on here about how I am completely done doing any online dating.  And I'm sure I really meant it.

But after being prodded by another single friend, I decided that since I'm clearly not dating on my own, I might as well give Match another shot.

So while my How About We account is floundering in inactivity, I started Match for 6 months.

At the very least, hopefully, it will provide some more blog stories. :)

Online dating observations

Given that this will now start my 13th month of online dating (oh my god).... I am starting to acquire my list of "oh for the love of god, don't put that in your profile/don't say that in a message" things men should not do!

How was that for the longest sentence ever?

Anyway, more often than not I find myself wincing when reading something from a guy.  Superficial?  Probably.  Entertaining blog fodder?  Oh yes!

So this new dating site asks the question, "story you should remind me to tell you on our date" and one guy actually wrote...

"The stories of the 'one-hit wonder' girls that I've gone out with."

Isn't that dating 101?  Don't talk about your exes too soon or other dates you've recently been on?

Third times a charm... online dating

So - after trying Match and Eharmony, I swore that I was going to give up online dating.  It was not productive for me and more frustrating than anything else.

You can read my posts about it here.

Well, after reading a few blog posts about couples using How About We for dates, I was browsing the website and saw that they have a singles dating side.  So after creating an account, I decided to just pay for 6 months of service.

The premise is built more around getting out on dates and less about the endless emailing and texting and quizzes that these other groups do.

So I am giving it a 6 month try.  I'll keep updated (all 4 of you) on how it goes. :)

Dating through eharmony

This past Sunday, I had my first date from eHarmony.  If you remember, I mentioned that I joined eHarmony on a whim because they had a 3-month deal going on.

After my match.com experience, I was generally reserved.  I took the time to fill out the ridiculously long survey and then complete my really extensive profile and waited to get notice from eHarmony that I had some matches.

Instead, I got an email that said my requirements (close to Chicago, 30-40 years old, not a smoker, at least 6ft tall) were too restrictive.... seriously?  So I went back in and opened the area range to 90 miles around Chicago and that seemed to work.

Then I got a lot of matches.  Too many matches.  People out in the middle of no where Indiana.  And then I started to notice that MOST of the matches said "not exactly meets your criteria, but we think you have a lot in common".  What?!

So I did my best for the first month.  I reached out to people and I responded to people that wrote to me. Then I realized a few things:

1.  No one I wrote first actually wrote me back
2.  The guys I were responded to seemed nice, but didn't really appeal to me
3.  eHarmony has no easy way to respond to people to say "thanks but no thanks" so you don't leave them hanging.

The eHarmony messaging process is comprehensive.  First you send them 5 multiple choice questions, they some back.  Then if you like their answers, you can send them your 10 must haves and your 10 deal breakers.  After that, if you still like their answers, you can send them 3 open ended questions and vice versa.  Finally, if you both are on the same page, you can message each other actually conversations.

Well, I made it through this process with 3 people.  One fizzled out pretty quickly.  One of them I actually spoke to on the phone for 15 mins but we haven't set up anything (and probably won't).  The last one was my date on Sunday.

On paper, he seemed really nice.  He was thoughtful in his responses.  He seemed to have a lot of things to do.  He has a dog.  When we were writing, he expressed how excited he was to meet me and was looking forward to drinks.  A few days before, he wrote me another message to just confirm we were still on (even though he had my phone number) and then the afternoon of he wrote me again to let me know he may need to eat while we were there.

I got there early because I was worried about the rain, so I parked myself up to a table and texted him to let him know I was early.  This was 10 to 7 and he wrote back and said he was just a few blocks away.  At 7:10, he strolled into the place completely soaked with sweat.  I found out later in the conversation that he doesn't have a car (totally okay) and took the train and then walked.  I mean.  If I didn't have a car and I had a date, I may take the train but I'm sure as hell taking a cab to get there.  Anyways....

The date itself was fine.  Very chatty and had good conversation.  He ate and I nibbled on some chips and salsa because it's awkward when only one person is eating on a date - right?  We each had a couple beers and 3 hours later the check arrived.  We had that awkward moment when no one reaches for it or deals with the check.  Finally, he picked it up and I offered to leave the tip or split it.  He seemed really uncomfortable. So he handed it over to me and said we could split it.  The total bill was less than $40.

After we paid, I offered to drive him the 4-6 blocks over to the train station, he gave me an awkward car hug and said "thanks for meeting up with me."

I guarantee that I don't hear from him again - which is just fine by me.

On my way home, I was just annoyed.....  let me back up a tiny bit.

While this guy was very nice and we had good conversation, I was in no way attracted to him.  Had he asked, I may have gone out with him once more just to make sure but that probably would've been it.  And honestly, I was a little annoyed that he asked me to split the bill.  I feel that at least for the first couple of dates, the guy should pay.  Especially when I didn't really eat anything and paid for half of his dinner!

So, I was annoyed.  I spent 3 hours on my Sunday night at another unsuccessful date.  I was just stewing.  I figured out that where a lot of this could be going wrong is in the people I am talking to.  Because I am not hearing from the people that I want to hear from, I end up just chatting the guy that contacted me who seems to be nice even though I'm not really interested in talking to them.  And then I go out with them - and shockingly, they aren't successful.

It's good that it is forcing me to get out, but I definitely will not be doing any more online dating when my eHarmony account ends in September.  I am going to leave it up to good old fashioned luck, or someone I meet through a friend or family member.  No more "blind" dates for me.

Back in the online dating saddle?

So there was a deal for 3 months of eHarmony....  and I did it.  This morning.  And after browsing profiles and seeing the small amount of people they matched me to.  I'm already regretting the loss of that money.

I'm trying to be optimistic about it.  I do have three months.  Maybe it will end up being worth it?  At least I'm getting out there again.

Match Update

I haven't updated on match in a while because I wasn't really doing much.  Sure, I was occasionally checking, but I had decided that I was not going to renew my subscription when it expired on March 23rd.

Of course, as soon as I made that decision, it was like match spammed me with attention from people.

So I have been talking to two guys, both very different but very nice.  I met up with one of them last night for dinner.

In our conversations leading up to the date, it was very nice.  I wouldn't say I was attracted to him (at least via the pictures I'd seen) but he was very personable and we had quite a few things in common.

Dinner last night was nice.  We had great conversation and had a lot in common.  And he was very nice.  And that was it.

At the end of the night, we hugged goodbye and mutually agreed that it was nice to meet each other.  There was no promise of being in touch or setting something up in the future.  And that's okay.  I think we both probably felt the same way.

I have one more date lined up for next week, so we'll see.

I had a text conversation with my grade school friends saying that just once it would be nice to leave a date with something more than "he was a really nice guy".  Just once.

I'm glad for this online dating experience and that it has gotten me out and dating, but there will be no more internet dating in my future.

The Online Dating Experiment

**I'm schmoozing with the Chicago foreign dignitaries today for work, so I wrote this last night.

It's been a little over 4 months of trying out match.com.  I've been on two dates and had a dozen email conversations with guys.

I have to be honest though, after date #2 and the spamming of completely uninteresting guys, I'm over it.

A blogging friend from the past posted an article (from NYMagazine) about online dating, found here, and I gotta tell you.... most of it is completely true.

"... online dating pools are increasingly contaminated by those so undesirable or socially awkward their meet-ups invariably fail to yield lasting connections."

Um, yeah.

I wanted to make 2013 the year I focused on putting myself out there.  I want to date.  I'm open to meeting people.  I just don't think online dating is the way I am going to do it.

So while my match membership doesn't expire until the middle of February, that will be the end of it.  I debated trying eharmony.  I think I'm going to wait.

Maybe 2013 shouldn't be the year I really focus on dating, but the year I just focus on me and let whatever happens, happens.  Doesn't everybody say, "It happens when you least expect it."?  (Honestly, that one ranks right up there with all the people that told me my breakup was "better now than later".  I get the sentiment, but not helpful.)

I digress.  I'm not sure what to do now.  It's so frustrating and exhausting.

A match update

With my third month on match almost over, I've come to realize a few things....

1. Online dating is both extremely frustrating and amazing comic relief at the same time.
2. There are an awful lot of poorly taken cell phone photos as main profile pictures.
3. Writing skills are terrible.  Period.

I have now taken to forwarding most of the emails I receive to my mom for a good laugh.  The other day I received an email that just said this:

I was so tempted to write back and tell him congratulations.  PEOPLE, USE PUNCTUATION PLEASE!  It makes you look like a moron.

Then there are emails like this:

Great!  I don't think it takes a whole lot of effort to mention one thing you actually read on my profile that prompted you to write in the first place.

Don't get me wrong, occasionally (and I really mean occasionally) there is an email that pops up that is well written, shows they actually read my profile, and have taken the time to see that we might be looking for similar things.  I went out with two people because of this.

And then there's the profile pictures.  Profile pictures that are bed self portraits taken in their bathrooms.  Or webcams.  Or weird random photos with people cropped out.  Or the guy with his photo of him holding a glass of wine and a lobster.  This one I actually snapped a photo of and send to a few friends who have done match.  Nothing like expressing - hey, I like wine... and seafood - right on your profile picture.

What I find most frustrating is that about 75% of the people I actually email never get back to me.  Which maybe they aren't interested - and that's fine - but could they at least send the auto "thanks but no thanks" email.  At least I'm not sitting here wondering what's going on.

My 6 month period ends in the middle of February so I still have some time to see if it's worth it.  More than likely, I will chalk this up as a great experiment and will not continue after February.

Perspective

*You've been warned.  This could get wordy.

Sometimes things happen in your life that reminds you how important it is to keep everything in perspective.

Sometimes it's a little dose of reality that makes you realize, "WTF am I doing?"

Sometimes it's as simple as online dating.

I know there are many of you are out there thinking, "Oh dear God, she is finally going to start writing about something interesting!"  And I promise you that I will do my best to keep you updated and still respect the privacy (mine included) of those involved.  Those of you who need the nitty gritty.. well, you know how to reach me. :)

Anyways, back to why I am writing this post in the first place.  Now that I am back in the dating market, I've realized just how much things have changed.  Mostly me.  I have changed.  I am a much different person than I was in 2008 when I was last dating.  Also, texting.  Back in 2008, you were texting... but you weren't texting like you are texting today.  Today, texting is a completely acceptable form of communication.  For almost every situation.  And while I understand why this is comfortable for dating (especially online dating), I find it a little too casual.   Too personal.  There is a safety thing there, I get that.  But I also wish people would realize that with texting, it is difficult to truly establish any sort of connection with someone and it's really hard to get the undertones of the conversation (this coming from a communication major who's favorite class was "non-verbal communication").

I bring up the texting (again!) because of how my week has progressed with Mr. R.  After our date on Sunday, he continued to text on Monday - which I expected.  It was great for a while, until I started to get tired of the (often) immature jokes and "potty" talk.  As the week continued (and the texts continued), I began to find myself getting a little snarky with him about some of the things he said.  At one point, I made a jab at him - poking fun - and things went downhill pretty quickly after that.

What I had learned was if I didn't find his jokes funny and didn't continue to play along, he wasn't interested in talking about anything else.  In fact, he would become downright rude.   The final straw was when he was telling me a Match-related story (that I guess was supposed to be funny) and I made an observation.  He called me a "B" and proceeded to tell me that if I didn't laugh, then I should say nothing.  When I tried to clarify myself, he continued to relate what I had done (or said) to a time he made a bad decision, even if he wasn't meaning to.  That decision still made him a "dipshit".

After I had time to calm down, I sent him a message back that what he had just said - or alluded to - was just plain mean.

Needless to say, we will not be having that date that was tentatively planned for Sunday.  I plan to write him an email today explaining to him how this little dating experiment will not be continuing.

I write this all down, not to blast him (though he does deserve it, the huge douche bag) but to remind myself that my gut feelings are right.  GO WITH YOUR GUT!  I left that date on Sunday just feeling okay about it. I was going to go out with him to give him the benefit of the doubt and to make sure that what I thought I felt after date one was really what I felt.  It won't even get that far.

This foray back into the dating world has really opened my eyes to many things.  I am glad I am doing it, but I need to keep in mind that my experiences will not always be positives one.  And that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

On a more positive note, I have another date tonight.  A first date with one of the other guys that emailed me a couple weeks ago.  This guy, Mr. M, took the initiative to call when he said he was going to (novel) AND researched some restaurants that might be good options for our date.  Three cheers for the guy that makes a bit of an effort!

Happy Friday people!

#36 - Go on a first date

So remember when I talked about my experience in online dating - like 2 weeks ago.

After that, I took a week or so off from checking my profile.  I didn't get on.  I didn't email anyone.  I didn't check my daily matches.  I was just annoyed.

So the Sunday after Leslie left, I figured I should probably go on and check and see what I missed.  I tweaked a couple of minor words in my profile so that it would show that I had updated my profile.  I don't even remember the changes because they were so minimal.  And then that night, I got emails from 3 guys.  Three seemingly decent guys in their 30s without weird hobbies and boring profiles.

So I emailed them all back and almost instantly one of them wrote me back again.  After a few back and forths, we gave each other our contact information.

This is where I put the disclaimer in.  If you recall, my issue with the last guy was that he was texting me "what's going on" every 2 hours.  It was f-ing annoying.  So this new guy - we'll call him Mr. R (sort of like a bond character - anyways)... he texts me.  And then texts me.  It was a pretty lengthy conversation and I found myself laughing out loud several times.  So apparently, texting is standard part of communication when dating in 2012.  I'm not going to say that I necessarily approve of this, but at least the texting was actual conversation and not "how was your drive home".

So we made tentative plans to do something on Sunday and he said he would confirm when it got closer.  On Sunday, he was texting me about how my weekend was going and I asked him what we decided on for the evening.  I picked a place relatively closed to me and we met there for a couple of drinks.

He was running a bit late because of traffic with the rain, but he text me and let me know that so I didn't leave my house too early.

In an effort to give the poor guy some privacy, all I will say was that the date was really nice.  He is cute, funny and very sweet.  He's also VERY chatty.  I'm not sure I actually did much talking on the date.  Which was okay for me since I like listening anyways.

After we were done, he walked me to my car and gave me a kiss goodnight.

And then on my way home I got a flat tire.  Thankfully, I made it back to my place before it was too bad. I was freaking out a bit since car stuff terrifies me - I don't know how to fix anything myself!   I let him know that I was home but had a flat and he insisted on coming over to change it for me.  Chilvary is not completely dead people!

So he left last night more rain soaked that I'm sure he wanted to be and with a promise that I would let him know when I had time available to do something again.

In retrospect, I realize that this date is the first actual date I've had since 2008.  Which makes it much more than a first date with someone I met online, but a first date that breaks starts my new life over.  I kind of dig that.

Dipping my toe in the online dating pool

So I don't know if I posted on here about it, but a month or so ago I finally took the plunge and signed up for 6 months of match.com.

I figured if I got anything out of it, I could always say that at least I tried and maybe I would meet some new people.

So far it has been far from productive.

Since I started, I've emailed about 5 people - only heard back from one - and have received about as many emails.

With the exception of one person that emailed me, all the other emails have come from 5'9, 50 year old men who live out in the suburbs and love camping.  Right up alley, huh?

I did get one email from a guy that sounded pretty decent.  We emailed back and forth for a while and then he asked for my phone number.  We had a great 45 minute conversation and made tentative plans for that weekend to grab a drink.   Later that night, he send me a "great speaking with you" text message.  It was sweet and I was looking forward to our date.

Then, for the next three days, he proceeded to text me to see how things were going/what was new/how is work at least a dozen times a day.  It was cute for the first 3 or 4 text messages and then I was over it.

I remembered reading a blog somewhere along the lines about how text messaging has totally ruined dating and I agree.  I was completely annoyed with the amount of text messages he was sending me. To the point that when Saturday rolled around, he still hadn't confirmed our date and when he finally did I had no interest in going anymore.

I politely told him that and explained why and I haven't heard anything back from him.

I feel very strongly that there is no reason I should be text messaging someone I haven't even met in person more than I text the important people in my life.  Also, ugh - no.  I do not want to be constantly updating you and if you are checking in that much BEFORE WE EVEN GO ON A FIRST DATE - what would you be like when we have been dating for a while.

I guess if anything I learned that I think text messaging during dating is lazy.  If you can't make an effort, don't even bother.