Over the hurdle...

I survived the weekend.  In all honesty, it wasn't as bad as I was preparing for.  Sure, it hurt... but I tried to keep myself preoccupied so that I wouldn't sit there and stew about things.  In actuality, I'm really glad I'm over that hurdle.  Now, if we can just get rid of this house, I will be completely free.

It was REALLY quiet in my house all weekend.  I left work a bit early on Friday to get an oil change and stop at the grocery store.  I made it home around the same time I would've had I left work like normal, but at least I got a few errands done.  Saturday was a little more difficult.  I rolled out of bed once Samson no longer would keep quite and we went for our morning walk.  I waited around doing a bit of cleaning and organizing until noon, when I ventured out to get my pool pass and spend some time in the sun.  I lasted two hours before the heat and the crowds dragged me back into the house.  I texted with my mom, skyped with my dad and then decided to take a shower and celebrate my day the way I intended to... by getting a tattoo. 

Before I get to that story...  Saturday was alot better than I expected it to be.  Sure, I cried a few times.  I got texts from my sisters, my parents and my aunt MEM.  I got a care packge of goodies from MEM and Terri and a nice plant from Lindy and the gang.  It was nice to know that people had been thinking of me that day.  I had managed pretty good up until I went to shower.  On my way into the shower, I realized that I actually would've been at the church right then.  That was probably the hardest point of the day.

So anyways, back to the tattoos.  Why tattoos you ask?  Well, this was not my first tattooing experience (how many of you knew that???).  Back in January, when I was really struggling with the break up, I knew I needed to do something for myself.  Something to solidify my "you are independent and strong" attitude.  So after a month or so of debating, designing, checking, and hemming and hawwing, I finally had decided on a tattoo.... ok, I decided on two.  The intent was to get these tattoos asap, as a celebration of myself. 

Of course, one thing led to another and it kept getting put off...money, time, vacation, etc.  Finally, I had decided this weekend was the weekend.  What better way to celebrate my independence on my would-have-been-wedding-day than by getting a tattoo?  So I showered and got on the road, driving out to Wheaton (MD) where the tattoo parlor was.  Surprisingly, at 6pm on a Saturday during a holiday weekend, it was crowded.  So I took the 10 mile - 40 minute drive down to the DC location, right in the heart of Adams Morgan.  Sidenote, I've never been to Adams Morgan before 10pm.... it's different in the daylight. :)

Two hours later, I had both tattoos and was on my way home feeling empowered.

This is the tattoo that was the original idea.  It is a gaelic*/Irish phrase meaning "inner strength".  It is intentional that it is on my ribcage near my heart.  Not surprising to many of you, it took me longer to determine what font I wanted it in than what I actually wanted it to say and where I wanted it done.

*Funny side note: While doing my research and cross-checking my translations to make sure I was really getting a tattoo that said "inner strength" and not a tattoo that meant "green grass" or something like that, I stumbled upon an Irish forum in which one gentleman went on a long tangent about using the word "gaelic".  Did you know that most Irish NEVER use the word gaelic?  They just say Irish.  This gentleman compared using the phrase "gaelic" to an American saying that they speak American.  Seems funny now that you think about it that way, doesn't it?

The second tattoo was one I had thought about getting for a long time and it just seemed appropriate now.  It is a clover because everyone needs a little luck in their lives.  There are many clover designs out there but I chose this one because it looked like watercolor brush strokes.  The necessity of outlining for tattoo purposes sortof takes that away, but the separation is still there.

Sorry about the photos, I took then that night so the tattoos are VERY fresh.  I'm sure plenty of people will think why.... why tattoos as a way to immortalize something you would rather forget.  The answer for me is simple.  I will never be able to forget.  In one way or another, that has changed me... I am a different person. 

And I live with that reminder every day.

a retrospective

Today was supposed to be my wedding day.

It was going to be a day about family and friends and celebrating love.

Instead I will be spending the day alone... laying by the pool, walking Samson, watching movies.  I'm sad to be alone but at the same time, I don't know what my mood will  be like today so it's probably better that way.  The last thing I would want would be to bring my mood onto other people.

This is the first time in a long time that I have just felt completely numb to everything.  I'm looking forward to getting back this weekend.  It's one less hurdle to put this in my past.

Goals Check-in: April & May

Here's my recap for the last two months since I seem to have lost my mind the last week of April.

1. SAVE MONEY, REDUCE DEBT: HA.  Vacation totally screwed me here.  I took a little chunk of money from my savings to help (a miracle that I even had that option btw - that should be noted).  I'm back on the band wagon this month.  Payments to my debt are still happening and I'm not really spending on them, so that's good.

2. GET BACK IN SHAPE:  Oh hey, I'm running a half marathon in roughly 6 weeks?  Crap!  The last three weeks with my conference, sickness and vacation was rough.  This week was my first week to force myself back into it and that was equally rough.  Hopefully as I continue to push myself with the schedule I can get back on the ball.  This week was a test too since it was 90 and humid two of the days I had to run.  Running 13 miles in July is going to be awesome!

That being said, I still feel great.  I plan to continue to do some running in my workout schedule once the half is over.  Probably a mix of the shred workouts and running during the week.

Eating is getting a little back and track and needs to continue to improve.  Thankfully, the summer weather always helps to eat less and grilled veggies are my favorite!
3. STEP OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE:  hm.  Negative on this one.  I can't recall anything in the last two months that has helped me accomplish this.

I guess looking back, the last two months were not as bad as they seemed, but definitely a step sideways from the direction I was going.  Hopefully this summer will put me back on track.

This weekend I'm going to be doing my best to occupy all of my free time... leaving as little time as possible for me to dwell in my own head.  I will be spending some time at the pool in my community, watching movies, and taking care of Samson.  I also may go buy myself the Michael Jackson Experience game.  I had a blast playing it with Lauren at my parents house, so that should be fun.

the morning plot twist

so a new coworker, one who just started in April, asked me this morning if I would be willing to meet a friend of hers for drinks or dinner.

Apparently, she thinks we would get along and he is only living here temporarily right now.  He is from the midwest and owns a husky.  She also said he was "easy on the eyes".

Not really sure how I feel about this right now.  I know she probably has NO idea about my history.

mood swings

Moods are an incredibly interesting thing.  It could take the smallest little thing to shift a mood from good to bad.  And most of the time there are no predictors.

Yesterday I was in a fantastic mood.  I felt great, I looked great, things were going well at work.  Today, complete opposite.  I'm edgy, irritable and I can feel that downright nastiness just rearing it's ugly head.

Today is going to be a test of my patience.  I can just tell.

God help me.

New Clothes

Am I the only one that really loves the feeling of wearing something new for the very first time?

Several months ago, I ran across this adorable skirt on a blog.  After some back and forth with my mom, it was pre-ordered and shipping to me!  It was a spring/summer skirt, so it was torture to receive it in February/March and have to wait to wear it.  But today is finally the day!

I love this skirt.

*Top - Victoria's Secret, Skirt - Anne Cramer, belt - Target, shoes - Payless

I'm looking forward to finding other ways to wear it!

100

This post marks my 100th post on this blog.  100 posts.... already.  I feel like the last time I wrote a blog it took me forever to reach 100 posts.  I guess that's a good thing right?  I am doing my job at keeping this blog updated.  :)

This blog was originally intended to document my journey post break up and keep me on track with my goals for the year.  While at times I seemed to have strayed from this purpose (um, when did this become a fashion blog?), I think having to keep the blog updated has helped me.

As most of you know, this coming weekend was supposed to be my wedding weekend.  Needless to say, it has effected my mood for the last several weeks.  It's one of the last few hurdles I need to get through to really start moving on... that and getting rid of this house.

I'm not thrilled about what this weekend has in store for me mentally and emotionally but I will be doing my best to just work through it.

I'm glad that I started this blog 100 posts ago, based on a suggestion from my grandpa.  It has given me alot of opportunities to reflect on my attitude and outlook on life.  Do I wish things were different now?  Heck yes.  But at least I know there is progress.  At some point in my future, I will no longer feel like I'm just waiting for my life to start over... it will really be happening.