Rough week... and it's only Tuesday

This week has been rough so far.

It all started when I didn't sleep well on Sunday night, and for no apparent reason.  I found myself mentally rehashing things and reliving conversations we had and/or didn't have.  I notice this is a little something I picked up when being alone here.  When I was upset or angry with him, I would walk with Samson and have a mental conversation with him.  I did this because he was never available when I needed to talk.  Most of the time, these little "prep" talks calmed me down so I was able to rationally discuss things (at least I thought I was).

I know it's not good that I did that, and I know it's not good that I find myself rehashing conversations.  I couldn't stop it.  I watched TV.  I played with Samson.  I did everything I could think of to distract my mind.  Eventually, I exhausted myself to sleep which made my 5am wake up call just painful.

Monday was not good.  I'm not sure why but I was very emotional.  I had to tell a couple more staff members about what happened.  Of course, they were more than supportive, but it's still tough to talk about.  My boss had left a card in my mailbox while I was gone the week before.  It was a very nice "hang in there" card with a thoughtful note.  Majority of the staff at my office are afraid of my boss.... they clearly don't know what he is capable of.  I also received several emails from people reading this blog that meant so much to me.  I am truly so thankful for all the family and friends that have been supportive and continue to be supportive.  You are my cheerleaders!  And you make it easier to get through each day.

Today was just as bad as Monday. Only plus side, no tears today.  Another handful of coworkers found out.  It's so awkward to tell people, and I can imagine how uncomfortable they feel when they genuinely ask about wedding plans and I tell them there aren't any.  It's not a fun situation, but I can't bear to just announce it to everyone.  So I'm dealing with each interaction at a time.

As I sit here typing this, it is snowing outside.  I lost track of what the weatherman predicted (because they are usually wrong), but I'm sure it's causing mass hysteria outside.  Part of me wants a day off tomorrow so I can stay home and snuggle with Samson (or watch him sleep outside more realistically), but I will probably end up doing work from home.

We'll see what my inbox says when I get up tomorrow morning.