It's the last day of March, which means it's been 3 months since "the incident". Technically, more than 3 months, but I'm not doing a day countdown or anything.
I figured since I don't really talk about it all that much on here that I would provide an update for anyone interested.
Things have been getting easier. I thank my family and friends for really being as supportive as they have been. They've listened to me bitch, they've been wonderful distractions when needed, and they've given good advice when requested.
I find that I can watch movies, tv shows, read wedding blogs, listen to love songs and no longer cry. Is it hard to see/hear things that remind me of him and our relationship? YES. Are there still times when I catch myself saying "us" or "our" or thinking of things that remind me of him? ABSOLUTELY. But I don't cry as easily as I used to and it doesn't sting to think about or say things anymore.
In the grand scheme of it, I'm indifferent. Is that one of the steps?? Complete indifference? I just really could care less. What he does, who he talks to.... The only thing that still triggers any emotional response from me is when he takes too long to respond to my emails. Oh, and the fact that he has STILL not given me a response to what he wants to do with the house. There will be an email going out tomorrow about this fact.
I do still find it cathartic to talk about it. Not that I invite the questions left and right, but I appreciate that people don't treat me with avoidance about the issue anymore.
And as time continues to pass, I get more and more excited about what I get to do with my life now. I feel a little like I got a "do-over", and I have the chance to do things I wanted to do and hadn't done yet. Small things like decorate my next apt/house/condo/whatever EXACTLY how I want. To bigger things like running a half marathon. I'm excited about the flexibility in my life right now and the fact that I get a second chance to just focus on me.
I love me. :)
This all sounds so...healthy. I don't think I'd be in the same place you are after only three months, so definite koodos to you!
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine how hard it must be dealing with the house "situation." Not being able to fully close that door and lock it would be hard to handle for me. I'd definitely be the one who would want no emails, no phone calls, etc. I'd want it to be over when it was over, so that I'd have time to heal. Glad you're doing better at that than I would :)
PS: I think the lovely little addition to the family makes life so much sweeter in general. You're talking TRUE LOVE there :-D
TC, I wouldn't exactly say things are always this way. My friends could testify that there are several times when I break down into tears (usually while drinking... but that's besides the point).
ReplyDeleteIt definitely is difficult to live in OUR house and see his stuff EVERY DAY. But what choice do I have? Someday soon (relatively speaking) I will be on my own and I will be able to put it officially behind me.